It's long, but read it.

The following is a recount of actual events. Names have not been changed for protection - they are kept so that this true event can shame them both now and in the future. Let the records show that I type this blog with my right arm resting on the Holy Bible as to verify the integrity of my words.

It started a month or so ago. My roomate TIM WILSON, managed to unscrew each and every light bulb in our apartment, then flip the breaker that supplies our entire apartment with power. My other roomates and I had gone out for some midnight Wendy's. Upon our arrival, we noticed that the lights didn't work - and then that they were uncrewed - and then that the power was off. We had no idea what was going on. After a few creepy moment I realized that the breaker was in the downstairs closet. AJ and I walked timidly over to the door and opened it. It was normal - having only our hang up jackets, a bike, surfboard, 2 snowboards, sleeping bags, and other closet stuff. A moment after feeling safe about the closet, Tim jumps from behind the hung up clothes scaring both the Holy Spirit and our recently digested, waiting to be released food waste out of our bodies. He got us indeed.

Fast forward ...

Last night I took my wing (although it's not really a wing in UP - its more of a side or cluster) out for some In-n-Out at around 11:30pm. Tim was in Fountain Valley for church. My RA budget had some love left in it so we splurged a little. On our way back Tim calls to see if we are still at In-n-Out. We aren't. He says he's back in Riverside. The boys and I stopped in CVS to see if there was anything cool or explosive we could buy. There wasn't. We drive back to our apartment where I make my own parking space between two cars parked along the wall. My parallel skills are unparalleled.

Luke (my roomate) walks into the apartment to find no power. Immediately he runs back to us to tell us the news. The adrenaline is released. We know Tim is back in town and therefore know that he is trying to scare us again. We stand around outside our door with a few other neighbors and think about what we can do. We know we don't want to get scared again - therefore allowing Tim to feel victorious over us once again. We also know that we just ate 8 pounds of In-n-Out each and needed a restroom soon. "I've got it," I said. We huddled up. "Let's call Public Safety and tell them that our power is out and we think someone is lurking in our apartment (I'm not sure I've ever used the work lurking before). We'll tell him we're scared and ask if someone can come search out apartment to be sure." Everyone loved it. AJ makes the phone call and performs excellently. He sounds a little bit frightnened, just enough to convince Public Safety we're serious. A few minutes later (I'll admit I was concerned by the response time), Joe, the biggest, badest, blackest Public Safety officer rolls up in the CBU Public Safety Taurus - probably an '01 or '02. He finds us quickly because there is a group of us waiting outside our apartment. By this time we turned on the concerned face. "What's the situation?" Joe asked. "Well, our power is out and we are frightened to enter our apartment, officer" I said. "We think someone could possibly be inside," I tried to spice up the fear in my voice. "OK, you guys wait out here, I'm going in..." "Thanks Joe."

I swiped my card and stood back.

Joe rushed in, maglight ablaze.

"PUBLIC SAFETY, PUBLIC SAFETY, IS ANYONE IN HERE" Joe screamed. But not a girly scream - it was a scream from the depth of him - more of a roar.

silence

"PUBLIC SAFETY"

We almost wet ourselves standing outside listening.

a weak voice, "i'm in here"

"GET OUTSIDE NOW!" Joe barked.

Out walked TIM WILSON, Joe right behind with maglight cocked. "WHO ARE YOU?" Tim reached for his wallet - Joe thought it was going to be a weapon so drew out his mace and fired directly into TIim's face... Tim cried, literally.
Ok, just joking. Tim reached for his ID card and Joe let him. Tim said "I live here, I was trying to scare my roomates."

"Oh, it's only our roomate Tim" we all said in unison to Joe. At this point we acted extremely relieved. "We were scared someone dangerous was in our apartment." Joe understoon the situation. He turned to Tim and began to lecture him about how this kind of thing is not fun for the other people ... that just after the Virginia Tech shooting and the recent bomb threat at CBU this sort of thing is ridiculous ... that the Riverside police just called him hours ago saying they are looking for a missing criminal in the area and to keep an eye out!!!!! The helicopter with spotlight aimed down verified Joe's story. Yet my favorite part of the story is yet to come ...

After the lecture, Joe turns to us and says, "You did the right thing." I looked up, having just gone through the trauma of attempted murder, found Joe's eyes and replied, "thanks officer, we were just concerned for our safety." From Joe my big, thankful eyes turned to Tim. He was shaking his head with a slight smirk on his face - the kind of smirk that communicates "you are an unbelievable liar and I can't believe my plan backfired so hard on me."

I revel in the moment. Even revisiting via storytelling brings me joy.

Tim Wilson, senior B.A.T., has officially been gotten back. He has experience humiliation not only in front of his roomates, but in front of his neighbors, and in front of Public Safety.

I'm going to miss college.